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I dunno if you're playing with my mind. Thoughts of you arise like the smoke in the air. Insecurities fill my mind, wondering "If". I always wonder but sometimes I feel like it doesn't really matter. If it happens it happens, like it or not. The inevitability of life overshadows contenment and sorrow abounds all that I work for in my life. Don't wanna admit it but I DO! miss you. trying to get over the hill of misery but depression always holds me back like Chinggy & Tyrese. (sigh) How can I redeem myself from uncircumstances that I've caused in life? I do suffer, I do feel pain. I might not fully understand you but I do care. I listen. Most of all, I DID love you. =[
So I went to Kalihiwai to surf yesterday. 1-2ft. It was nice, sunny & hardly anyone to bother you except the local residents there. I caught a couple of sets, headed in & went home cuz I surfed @ Kalihiwai right after work which was 4 in the afternoon Hawaiian time. I got a 45 minute surf sesh, went to look for Rory guys but they weren't @ the Water Park. I passed by later on & found Bryson there. We chilled, had a few beers and I proceeded home while Brys went to Sand Flats w/friends. Today, it was all about the moment. It felt kinda awkward w/o Rory there, he's always the cabbage one there. No one to laugh & joke around with. Poor guy, babein' Mote!! lol!! Tomorrow's another day. Gonna get paid, prolly gonna get barrelled & might have a "Suck em' up sesh" with Rory AGAIN!! I might need a bigger sponge. I currently have a 42 inch board but my weight exceeds the limit of the board. I'm 5'6" tall and about 180 lbs give or take. I might have to go with a 44.5 inch board or bigger. We'll see. Till then, Alohas!!
Don't u hate it whe
n u have the best session of ur life @ the beach only to be
sick the next 2 days cuz u caught the flu from ur parents?
Yeah, its what happened to me. I went down to Shipwrecks &
amp; had the time of my life getting barrelled by some of K
auai's finest waves only to come home & be brung down b
y air borne pathogens creepin' through ur body. Now I'm stu
ck @ home with the flu for 2 straight days. Hopefully tomor
row, Mother Nature's gonna be nice & let me go back to
work worry free and shit. (sniffles) Damn man, I thou
ght all my new years were gonna be great but I always end u
p getting yelled @. Watch, tomorrow's gonna be another stor
y when I get back. Shiiiieeeeettt!
I was really bor
ed today so I was reading my horoscope right and it said th
at "You are your own enemy". Damn, as much as I hate to adm
it it, I am. So many times I've tried and I feel as though
I'm just trying too hard sometimes. Maybe I should just tak
e my time and relax a bit. (sigh) I dunno, my pride is one
my my many malfunctions that I have and I know that if I ha
d one wish it would be to become a better person. That's al
so a part of my New Year's resolution. I look @ so many dif
ferent peeps and I think that I'm one of the fortunate ones
to be where I am today. (sigh) So hard but I'm still bitch
in'. I once read in a website this quote; "Don't seek happi
ness, create it". Maybe I should start living by that quote
, I only have one life to live anyways..........
; =) Aloha A Hui Ho!!<
>/P
Have this sad feeling today, dun
no why. In debt with alot of shit and won't have as much mo
ney left in my pocket till next year. Don't have much to sa
y today either. Feeling down in the dumps. Need some TLC...
......................(sigh)
Today was a pretty
historic day for me as I've never been back during this tim
e of the year since I left five years ago. And today makes
it relly special. In 1941, on this day of Dec. 7, was a day
of disaster as us "Kama'aina's" got bombed on by the Japan
ese army in the island of O'ahu. They snuck up and surprise
d the army men of Pearl Harbor and just blew away fellow co
-workers, fathers, friends and anyone that we knew @ that t
ime. I wasn't born @ that time but I always hear of stories
about how courageous these guys were. Some of em enlisted
to go up against their own kine and just blast away;
no pun intended. But the fact still remains, they went in w
ith the sole intention of redemption. They went in with a s
ole reason of being proud of where they live and not where
they're from. Thus the reason for being one of the most rec
ognized army battalions in both Hawaiian and U.S. history.
The 442'nd regiment. As a matter of fact, both Daniel Inouy
e and Sen. Akaka both served their time during that war. An
d I'm proud not only to have them as our congressmen, but t
o be from the islands. Hawaii has gone through a couple of
huge storms in the past and a historic war that is etched i
n history. But we stood strong. I'm gonna leave tonight by
giving a BIG MAHALO to those who have both helped in some w
ay or even inlisted in the army to make Hawaii what it is t
oday. Thank You Senators Akaka and Inouye for being courage
ous enough to fight for us. =)
I remem
ber when I was younger I used to think it'd be cool to be l
oud and obnoxious with those screaming exhaust u can find o
n many of those ricers out today. I catch myself recently r
eflecting upon reliving those memories of lawn-mower exhaus
t but I caught myself by asking "Will that help in the long
run with performance or even defer cops from doggin' on ur
ricer ass?" Mmm, I'd rather not I said to myself. As I age
, I tend to veiw things differently. I noticed I ain't the
same guy I was staight outta high school. The me right now
compared to before has matured soooo much and now I feel I'
ve become much wiser in the sense that I've basically "Been
there done that" kinda mentality. So, will I get that John
-Deere powered exhaust.......HELL NO! But I will get someth
ing worth while like a Greddy one or something. Even
though I'm over smokin' da "Paka", that don't mean I can't
relive other shit I used to do when I was younger, like dit
ch work early n go to the beach. Shhhhhh!!! Don't tell no o
ne I still do the whole "Ditch" thing. SOmeone might find o
ut. lol!
Today something rather unsual
crossed my mind. I caught myself eavesdropping on a conver
sation with two kids, matter of fact 1 boy and a girl. And
they were bragging bout who got their shit first and where
they bought it from and all that stuff. And I know I should
'nt be doing that kinda stuff cuz I normally ain't no insti
gator but I told them that it doesn't matter who got theirs
first, as long as you have one is all that matters. Some p
eople today seem to care about is the materialism and havin
g the satisfaction of who and where they bought it from. Es
pecially if they claim to be the first to have it. Yeah sur
e we like to bask in the glory of having something err-body
else wants but is it worth it? I mean what if something be
tter pops up and someone else got their hands on it, would
you seem so bad-ass now? Is it worth getting your ass kicke
d or even your house being robbed just for the sole purpose
of having it. Some people got to extreme lengths to get it
. But to only have it taken away or destroyed cuz people ar
e jealous or just don't want to hear you brag no more.....c
ome on. I admit, I am the type to be real flambouyant and l
ike to brag, but if your gonna have something that err-body
else wants, @ least keep it on a D.L. Be happy but don't g
et to cocky, go ahead and showboat it, but don't get to arr
ogant. As long as you can control yourself there's nothing
in the way of your satisfaction or contentment. But for me
myself, I'd rather stick to being humble. Materialism is ju
st too stressing for me and stress is what I don't want. Ti
ll then, Aloha A Hui Ho!
I'll be going on four months sin
ce I left Cali. And so it seems like yesterday I was packin
g my bags to come back to the 808. I ain't saying that I re
gretted moving back or that I am really bored to live the i
sland life, its just that when you feel that you got too mu
ch on your hands and the only way you can deal with your pr
oblems to run from it then I pretty much got screwed. I kno
w I had alot of oppurtunities, just didn't take advantage o
f it. Now I'm suffereing the wrath of Karma's fury. I
know I'll bounce back, but for the time being I'd rather j
ust get myself established. Shoots den!
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